When I came to Guatemala, God and I made a deal. I was going to leave everyone I knew and loved and go on a road trip with one of my best friends for a phase of transition and then was going to embark on a yearlong adventure in a foreign country with people who are strangers to me, speaking a language I don't know.
In exchange, He was going to do three things: 1) teach me a whole lot about life, 2) keep me healthy (because the culture shock would be enough in itself), and 3) give me a loving family whom I could live with and stay in contact with forever.
Sounds like a pretty good deal, right?
I sure thought so.
God has definitely held up number 1, but his parts 2 and 3 seem to be left by the wayside.
For the last few months, my health has been off and on... let's just say that my stomach and food in Guatemala just aren't friends. Which is a bummer. This has been especially precipitated because it seems to be a common belief that "good food" is food that is cheaper and fills you up... thus breads, meats, and corn tortillas. My stomach doesn't like that and therefore I have been sick. I don't like being sick.
Because my stomachs disagrees with the food my family was eating and for various reasons, my family wasn't able to change that, I had to move.
This is my angry face showing how I feel about that.
And my sad face.
I moved out last Thursday... heartbroken.
Not only have I fallen in love with three girls who I would take a bullet for at any moment and they had fallen in love with me (did that sound conceded?... it wasn't supposed to), but I also found out last Thursday that I have a parasite and staph infection and that I'm really not good at communicating with doctors when we don't speak one another's languages.
So... where does that bring me?
I'm now living in town... conveniently six blocks from the school so it takes me 5 minutes to get to work... much better than my hour on a bus. Malea and Kyra have been kind enough to let me crash in their apartment... they even gave me my own room for an undetermined amount of time. We're more free to go on adventures... like going up La Muella again this weekend (like my Staph protecting bandana?)
I am becoming great friends with the fruit and veggie vendors at the market and learning how to get my desired food products... I'm also a semi-professional Stir-Fryer. Watch out world... I may become a pro-chef when I get home! (What is home again?... Where?... hmm...)
And... I really respect anti-biotics and anti-parasite meds although they do mess up your tummy a bit.
And... although I do at sometimes feel as though God has dropped his side of this deal (a deal that I arguably imposed upon him and wasn't mutually agreed upon), he definitely hasn't forgotten number 1. He's still teaching me things. Lots of them.
I've learned that I'm really hard on myself.. this is the fifth family I have gone through in Guatemala... the third that I had to move from early for various reasons. That opens the door for a lot of negative self reflection.
I've learned how much I do love kids. Kids at our school and the kids who I lived with. Kids have a way of being a direct connection to God and teaching lessons that I never would learn without their guidance.
The girls are crazy... and they taught me the joy of being ridiculous and willing to dance and willing to be messy (and I, in turn, taught them the joy of cleaning up things... cultural exchange).
They also taught me about the pain of love and how locational change and change of plans can cause such great pain that you don't want to talk to that person because everyone is sad.
and... hopefully we'll now be able to teach each other how to be friends and family without living in the same house.
I'm not sure what life lessons God has in store for the next six months... I'm in an entirely different living situation, don't know when or if that will change again, my life will be a lot more structured with a significantly more cohesive and predictable work schedule, rainy season has started, my stomach still hasn't fallen in love with food (but I am praying for that to change... now), and life just has its changes in general. But, there is a ton of opportunity for growth... isn't there always for all of us?
Over the past week, I've been reading
The Alchemist. I really liked it... at one point, the Alchemist is teaching the boy how to listen to his heart, and the boy says that his heart is afraid of suffering and therefore it's hard to hear it. The Alchemist says, "tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is an encounter with God."
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| See this volcano? It's really active right now and SO COOL! |
I have never been a fan of long lasting change (although I like randomness!)... I fear that it will have suffering and that's no fun (just like goodbyes are no fun). That hesitancy for physical change is true internally as well. I fear learning lessons and changing who I am even though I know that it will bring me closer to God and be good for me in the long run because that's what God wants. But, there is a lot of change that God can do in my life during the next few months, and I feel really grateful for the opportunity. It's going to be a completely terrifying, just like my decision to come to Guatemala was terrifying, but "every second of the search is an encounter with God." I pray that all the changes of this past week will become stimuli for the search of what and who God wants me to be and the steps to become that.
And if you don't mind praying for the family, that would be great :) Springing on them that I was leaving was hard on all of us on a lot of levels...
