It was I...

It was I…  

In CS Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia’s third book, “The Horse and His Boy”, Shasta has just found King Lune and warned him of the upcoming attack. King Lune loans him a horse and they go running to the castle.  Along the way, Shasta’s horse gets lost and Shasta finds himself in an unfamiliar land, confused, disoriented by the dark, and consequently, in the midst of a pity party.  

Suddenly, a lion appears… Aslan, the King above all High Kings in Narnia, son of the Emperor-over-the-sea.  The conversation they had captivates me (this all takes place in chapter 11… look!  I can quote sources!)

“Who are you?”  Shasta said.

“The one who has waited long for you to speak,” said the Thing.  Its voice not loud, but very large and deep.

… (abridging where Aslan proves to Shasta that he’s alive and Shasta voices his pity party and reasons he thinks he’s unfortunate (many of the reasons including negative encounters with lions…))

“I was the lion.” And as Shasta gaped with open mouth and said nothing, the Voice continued.  “I was the lion (who chased you), forcing you to join with Aravis.  I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead.  I was the lion who drove jackels (that were scaring your pants off) while you slept.  I was the lion (who chased and) gave the Horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time.  And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you.”

“Then it was you who wounded Aravis (his friend)?”

“It was I”

“But what for?”

“Child,” said the Voice, “I am telling you your story, not hers.   I tell no one any story but his own.”

This year, I, as well as the other volunteers here in Guatemala, have a lot in common with Shasta.  Like he, we often are finding ourselves in an unfamiliar land, confused, disoriented, and consequently, we too sometimes experience pity parties.  That’s why I love this passage.  Aslan, someone who CS Lewis wrote to demonstrate characteristics of Jesus, is willing to listen to Shasta’s woes, all Shasta has to do is speak.  It is always reassuring to know that I’m not alone…

Then, there’s the stories.  After hearing Shasta’s woes, Aslan explains his influence in each aspect of Shasta’s pains.  He was there in the good and bad, and each of the challenges had a reason, an objective to make Shasta’s overall life better.  As I approach challenges in my life here (and as I my brain glances about the forbidden thought of what I’m going to do in 9 months when this YAV year is over), remembering this influence of the kind lion in all my struggles is really important.  He is in everything that happens to me, be it my host sister yelling “abrazo” (hug) with open arms every time I enter the house, men cat-calling on the streets, or a conversation with a hurting woman on the bus.  Every aspect of my year here, of my road trip this past summer, and of life in general is in God’s will and has Jesus’ hand in it.  It’s all going to go towards helping me have a healthier life later on… personally, occupationally, spiritually, and with my family.  It’s important to remember that, look for it, and thank God for it.

But, it is bigger than just me.  Juli, Tina, Malea, and I get together about every week to just catch up, tell stories, and support each other in our struggles.  During many of our conversations, I ask God why each of us are in the situations we’re in.  Why is so and so still struggling with this?  Why can’t it get better?  Why does she have this hard situation that I think I would thrive in while I’m in this situation where I think she would thrive?  Why do I have to watch her struggle so much while my life seems so simple and amazing, can’t you just make it better?   

Those are questions I’ll probably never know the answer to, but maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be… “I tell no one any story but his own.”

This year, my new years resolution is to record the general story of Guatemala.  I can’t tell any one’s stories… I even have to have mine be told to me to fully understand it. But, I hope that I can set up the scene of life here for people back at home who are curious as well as for me in the future and possibly most importantly, for me now – so I don’t forget to look for the stories, to keep my camera out, and to keep my eyes open.

One of our YAV quotes is “Days pass, years vanish, and we walk sightless among miracles”.  I don’t want to let this be how my life in Guatemala is now that vacations are over and I am (FINALLY) getting to work with kids on a regular basis.  It is so easy for us to live our lives with our eyes closed to the miracles of every day life and begin living with blinders on, not noticing the irony in the tienda, the friendly people on the bus, or the woman with the baby on the street.  

Here’s to a year of living with our eyes open, looking for God in our story!

PS As I’m writing this, my 4 year old host sister is dancing to Shakira’s “Loca, Loca, Loca” in my room.  This is definitely an unfamiliar land… I really like it.